It's a Wrap!
How a seemingly ordinary discussion between JULIAN COPE of The Teardrop Explodes and his beloved wife, DORIAN BESLITY - merely concerning the correct presentation of a birthday gift - went horribly wrong…
* * *
JULIAN: Wait a second, love. Let's use the other sheet of wrapping paper for the chocolates. It creates more diversity. Kind of psychedelic, like.
DORIAN: You can't use two different types, Ju. We want the presents to match, after all.
JULIAN: Why? Sheila won't mind. It's what's inside that counts and she loved that 14-foot megalith I gave her last year.
DORIAN: Don't be awkward. It's important to have them all wrapped up the same... all the... nooooooooooooo!!!
[Mad trumpeter appears from nowhere and JULIAN, drunk on past glories, is suddenly transported back to January 1981]
JULIAN:
Bless my cotton socks I'm in the news!
The king sits on his face, buttons all askew!
ALL WRAPPED UP THE SAME!
ALL WRAPPED UP THE SAME!
They can't have it!
You can't have it!
I can't have it, tooooooo!
Until I learn to accept my reward!
[By this time, DORIAN has left the room]