Macedonian Marvels

ONE afternoon, whilst listening to the laughably-named BBC World Service, I heard a Macedonian minister discussing the country's possible entry into the European Union. "We have what you need," he told the young BBC reporter in a husky accent. "Our tomatoes are great." Creepy. It reminded me of a dirty old man in a stained raincoat, whispering to a passing female from the shadows and offering to show her what he has dangling from his reddening solanum lycopersicum. Tomatoes are classified as 'angiosperms,' after all, so my smutty little analogy isn't too demanding on the imagination.

Given that an agreement had already been signed between Greek prime minister Alexis Tsipras and his Macedonian counterpart, Zoran Zaev, in which it had been proposed that the Republic of Macedonia should be renamed the "Republic of North Macedonia," it won't be long before our economic exhibitionist adds pseudonymity to ignominy. Perhaps, if they remove the word "Macedonia" completely, the inhabitants of this latest land-fit-for-plunder will never have cause to utter those fateful words: "Not in my name".