Papist Crabs

ALAN Watts once mentioned that superstitious Welsh Protestants used to insist (seriously) that Catholic priests who perform the Tridentine rite with their backs to the worshippers, were in the habit of placing a live crab on the altar. This would certainly account for the clergy's endless shuffling from side to side, possibly to stop the poor creature falling off the edge of the table and scuttling up the aisle. However, despite constantly apologising ('mea culpa') for having transformed the sea water into holy water the Church should have realised centuries ago that most crustaceans are unlikely to be placated by the gentle tinkling of a bell. No wonder the priest ends up losing his patience, trapping the eight-legged beast in a silver goblet and distributing fresh crab sticks to the congregation. It is hardly surprising, either, that most crabs live in Wales and vastly outnumber the sheep.