TV Heaven

THE only time I really see Portuguese television is when I'm sitting in the local café, but today one of the main channels has decided to hypnotise the God-fearing masses by having the papal chimney appear live in the corner of the screen.

Nothing is actually happening, as you might expect, and the adjacent seagull is a very poor substitute for the Holy Ghost. Furthermore, the story is currently being overshadowed by the weekend's big clash between Benfica and Sporting, but it would be far more interesting if they were cremating members of parliament in the colours of their respective parties.

After all, who needs the Iberian version of the Red Arrows when you can fill the sky with a panoply of smoldering justice? I might even consider ‘pay-per-view’ for entertainment of that magnitude.